Monday, January 27, 2014

Years After My Liver Transplant, Am I Simply Waiting to Die?


I wrote this on November 18, 2013, but never got around to posting it. So much has happened over the past month - things I want to share on my blog for other liver transplant patients and people who have Hepatitis C - that I believe it's worthwhile to post this now.

On December 3, 2006, I had a liver transplant that saved my life. Afterward, I was exceedingly grateful. Because of the transplant I knew I’d be able to continue to raise my children through the tough high school and early college years, and hopefully enjoy that ride with my husband, Gene.

In general, I’m an optimist: I embrace life with gusto, cherishing moments, loving family and friends, and laughing and learning along the journey.

But I now realize I no longer live my life this way. Instead of making plans for the future, I have spent the last seven years trying to survive an unending onslaught of procedures, treatments and bad news about how Hep C is wreaking havoc on my new liver. It's been exhausting, frustrating and depressing.

Instead of living it up, I've been waiting to die.

I had this "ah ha!" moment over the weekend and was shocked. I consider myself to be an optimist, a "the glass is half-full" person. I'm so fortunate to have had this transplant. When did my spirit break? 


Photo by Julia Freeman-Woolpert

3 comments:

Something Happened Somewhere Turning said...

Dear J,

My thoughts are with you. I wish there was something I could say or do. Your are in my prayers.
-beaux

Mallory Tuttle said...

I just found your blog and I have to say your story is inspiring. I am 26 and need a heart/liver transplant. It is comforting to hear how other people cope and show such courage. Thanks for sharing your story.
Mallory
http://transplantlifeasweknowit.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

What is happening? There are no details. Are you having memories that belong to the deceased? I heard about that. Good luck to you, don't die. choose life.